Rollercoaster In A Wonderland

i sit here,
looking at my mobile screen
looking at the words
and these beautiful images
and wondering how the fuck 
i ever got here.

i sit,
i sit like an improper lout
whose head collapses so often that
he hates himself 
and the world around
and keeps wondering why he wonders a lot
despite knowing the reality.

they turn my city into a ‘smart city’
but leave these people in the same dull state
they are not turned into ‘smart people’ anyway
like the city they live in,
they bring in heavy bulldozers 
to break down the large pillars that
impede the traffic.
these bulldozers hit hard
i wonder why they don’t hit and smash 
and burst and break down the people 
who surround me;
if they do, i am sure my city will transform 
into the smartest of all.

what a burden it is to worry about
the position, prestige and influence,
but how amazing it sounds!
but it sucks to make it,
the duty to keep living
to keep surviving is 
an unending string of meeting needs
and fulfilling responsibilities
and we all must get it well
but nonetheless, the gods receive 
countless prayers from people
wishing they could reach there,
to some place
in order to take on other bizarre duties
that have nothing to do with their own lives.

that 15-year-old girl, possessing 
newly developed assets
is new in this sector—no duty,
no responsibility,
no burdens…
what a joy it must be to 
murder the boys,
what a joy it must be to 
be murdered;
they will topple over soon
they won’t last long enough—
nobody does,
when the demons find them, finally.
they will stop
they must.
these girls, as they grow into pretty women,
will be seen blessing these boys as mothers.
i pity these little kids for being so ignorant
i wish they could hear me when
i didn’t speak. 

the horses run the carriage with utmost focus
and these pathetic people go on to blast their harsh, unheard voices
in my ears
and i am too tired to retort or to punch them
to death;
but i have been a veteran player 
in this game—
they don’t see who they mess with,
may god bless them!

the people who have seen the real colors of life
know how to go about surviving in the circus,
they have the clearest visions and brightest eyes,
they change themselves for the better
and will change the world, too
they will make it a better place to be
while i will wake up in the same room,
and brush my teeth, shit, piss, force-eat
and go out to watch the same circus

as it goes;

i will keep watching 
till the blood in me dries completely
and i will come back 
and sit back in the chair,
looking at the mobile screen
and wondering how i rushed on a rollercoaster
from all
to nothing,
how i didn’t die so far
and how i made it all.

o, fuck the world!
the night bulbs and 
the walls and the bed sheets
know my true story.
they know i create good works of art
and that i am a decent person

and that, i think, is quite enough
for now.