You Aren't At Your Best

Hey, you know what you are made of. A powerful soul. A warrior. A man of endless possibilities. You are more than you think. But what did you do of your immense potential? You wasted it on petty issues. You prioritized all the external matters and never worried the least bit about yourself. You never thought how you would feel when you would find that you had only been wasting your power all this while. You simply kept on giving away your strengths to everyone but yourself. You dealt with problems that were not even yours. Your energy was scattered, everywhere. Nothing did you do about yourself. Just remember what an incredible kid you were back then, when you were free from the clutches of mediocrity, spending time in the solitude of your study, never caring a hang about the world. You had gone way ahead of things. You had reached where people your age could only dream of getting. Your potential went in the right directions, awarding you the right things. You were content, and happy, and inspired. And, you wanted more, always. More out of yourself. More out of your power. More and more, each day, until you got yourself entangled to the world. Alas!

The tragedy had begun far back in time, when you allowed distractions to seize you in their grip. And slowly but surely, you began to lose hold over your own self. You did not know how and when it happened. It is understandable. You were only a little kid. The lures and seductions of distractions—worldly pursuits—won the better of you and you headed the path of destruction. A child walking the path of the world, at the end of which, nothing extraordinary remains. Only ruins. Nothing but this.

You allowed people to occupy your mind. You were always in the midst of a crowd.

In the midst of nowhere.

You were loved by many. You were loved so much by others and a bit less by yourself, each day. You were not aware of it. I understand. You were just a little kid back then. You did not know you were losing yourself—the only guy who is going to be with you clear to the end. So you let them have you. You were losing yourself. You were losing your good interests. You were losing the joy of your life. And you were not aware of it. Your mind turned into a reckless thought-machine, playing scenes of the world, over and over again—that beautiful girl who was so fond of you, that friend of yours who liked hanging out with you and the many people who adored your personality. You kept thinking. You kept appreciating their affinity. But you did not know that only because you enjoyed your company did they do, too. They were with you because you were the master of everything. They wanted to learn numbers and you were an Aryabhatta. They were religious and you were their Krishna, their Mohammad, their Christ. They were learning ABCs while you read Shakespeare. You were ahead of things and they followed you. Don’t you see? You did not know that the day you lost yourself, they would turn their back on you. That is the way the world works. Nothing is wrong here. Impropriety is the only rule they know.

You were intertwined with the wrong things. Slowly, just like they were fond of you, you began to like them too. You liked hanging out with them too. You were a unique individual. But you unknowingly started following their norms. You began walking their footsteps. You began forgetting what an incredible human being you were and what a great standpoint you had and how you were in the lead of everything. You did not know you were not made to walk their path. And in the end, it plagued you like nothing else. You began to feel weak. Your chest began to shrink inside. Your shoulders began sagging day by day. Your chin started getting closer to your neck. And your eyes always watched the ground. From an ace, you turned into a layman. And you realized you had ended up joining the crowd.

And you know what, there is another rule of the world. A weak man is used by all and loved by none. Nothing cruel. Just the way of the world. Since he has lost the most important person in his life—himself—he begins to feel the urge to be identified. And so, he ties himself to anyone who promises to love him. Never once does he think that the only person he needs to love at the moment is himself. He does not realize what an immense loss he has incurred in being of the world. And he sacrifices whatever little is left of him.

And then, he is exploited and left in the gutter. His fake lovers have ruined them by now, and they have gone their way, picking whatever they needed off him. People think that’s who he is—a weak, powerless man. Nobody knows the reality. Not even the man himself.

He realizes he had been cheating himself all along. He was not true to himself and to his own potential. He had dispersed his energy everywhere. Never did he use it to remain who he had always been. If today he has turned this puny, it is his own doing. He should have made the right choices. He should have maintained his power. He should have been selective of the people he allowed in his life. But he chose to waste his energy on the world. He chose to heal people instead of himself. He took himself for granted. And so did the world.

The body is ruined. The mind has been well distorted. But the energy within still remains. The immense power over things. The control. The excellence. However, they demand intense struggle in order to manifest themselves back again.

His soul calls out to him. He is a wise man now, having had a thorough experience of the world. At a very young age, he has been through the truths of the mirror, the depths of souls and the loneliness of the nights. He has gone crazy a thousand and one times, crying over somebody else’s pain and getting his pillow wet with tears. He has awakened in the middle of the night and drunk two whole bottles of water. He has seen his perfection and he has watched his own destruction, too. He has gotten his head muddled with thoughts that had no beginnings and no ends. He has stooped so low for people, begging mercy for nothing. He has cried in the middle of the street. A man, once a master, crying. In the middle of the street. Begging mercy. For nothing. Fighting people who excel at mediocrity. Forgetting his own worth. Never daring to look back and see where he was and where he has come, how he has betrayed himself and how battered he has become.

It is like climbing the mountain top and then, jumping straight down again, just to be with people who he thought needed his love—unconditional love—something very rare in today’s world.

And now, he has fractured himself everywhere.

What of the world is left for him to behold?

He is back home now, cursing himself for the wrong choices he made. The greatest frustration lies in being unable to attain your full potential, in knowing you can do it but couldn’t since you had been distracted and frittering away your energy.

What an uneasy time it is. A fractured man has to climb the mountain once again—the mountain he himself jumped off. Disappointment captures his mind. He feels the incompleteness, the cluttered, painful feelings of having cheated himself. He isn’t happy at all. He knows there is much more he can do. He is not made for the world. He finds others having fun in their lives. They are happy since they haven’t lost themselves for others. They haven’t betrayed themselves. They are content. They have been doing what they deserve to do. They have had all of themselves. They need nothing more for they are at their best.

Only a mediocre person is always at its best.