Pleased To Die

I miss you. Umm, no… Actually I only miss being around you. I don’t think we spent enough time together that I can say I miss you. All I could do was grab every opportunity to roam about you and mesmerize myself with the sensation of your presence. You were the star that shone so bright that I got blind to my history. Little girl, you were bright enough—so bright that I was afraid to come close to you every time. Though I could feel the sheer pleasure of walking around you and sitting beside you and attempting, every now and then, to strike a conversation with you, you had the spark, the unprecedented charm that got me too frightened to walk even an inch closer. I knew if I did that, I would burn. I found myself in a position where I only admired your beauty from afar.

The big, bright eyes, the tiny smile, the mild agitation, the soft giggle, the rosy lips, the black gown that became you, the white face, the little stature—if I was allowed to sit and look at you, I would fix my eyes on you for days. And it is no exaggeration. 

But I wonder why you didn’t take the initiative. I behaved like I was a fun-loving guy. I really am… sometimes. I make people laugh, didn’t you see? You laughed, too, on my dance steps—I remember clearly, very clearly. I play and replay the video that has captured that rare sight of yours—the fire of my heart, the treasure of my ecstasy. I would never tell you what all it meant for me, what unfathomable emotions it awoke and how it is bothering me now to know that you have gone your way, leaving me with questions I can never find the answers to. I would never tell you, because you would never understand. You might laugh and tell me that I must grow up, and wipe your eyes and laugh some more, while I would simply stand there, allowing you to murder me, capturing the ever-beautiful scene in my heart so that I have something to remember after I die. 

Your Majesty, I would like to tell you that 

I

  Am

        Love

and you must know me….

You were the surprise I had quite expected, the surprise I knew, though, that I would not be given. But surprises always excite us. So do you, even today.